a touchy subject

I try to keep this blog about Ada and what is going on in Ada's life. But occasionally something will hit me and make me feel so strongly that I feel like I need to let everyone know what I'm feeling. And this morning as I killed five minutes before my first meeting of the day, I read this article on CNN, and my blood boiled and my heart got all racy, and I felt like someone had just jumped me in an alley. So I thought I'd share.

For those that don't want to read the article it starts off telling the tale of two working moms whose children are grown, looking back on their decision to be working moms. One would still do it today, and one wouldn't. I'm so Ok with the start of this article, and had it stayed on that path I would have enjoyed the article and moved on with my day. Nope, it is some where in the middle and the end of the article that the blood boiling started.

I know the working mom vs. stay-at-home mom debate is a touchy subject, and those that chose one way or the other have their reasons. And my blood didn't boil because someone was challenging my decision, I have the utmost respect for women who chose to stay home. It is a challenging job and one that does not get enough respect. I get that. I don't have a problem with that. No, what started to get my blood boiling and my heart racing was quotes claiming research, "that found women are happiest in clearly defined and traditional marital roles." Or that "it takes a certain kind of maturity and self-awareness to be comfortable, because you don't get your ego stroked or awarded like you do on a job."

Are you kidding me? The best reward I have ever gotten is a spontaneous hug from Ada, or the look of excitement on her face when she wakes up and sees me in the morning. Those ego strokes are so much better than anything I could possibly ever get at work. Whoever wrote that quote (a mother of 12) has obviously forgotten the early days of motherhood, and I doubt has ever worked a corporate job in her life.

Anyone that knows me (or raised me) knows that I don't work because I need my ego stoked. I don't sit at work every day and wallow in the fact that I can't be home with Ada cleaning house and cooking dinner. I work because I saw first hand what can happen if you are a woman, and you don't work, and your life plan changes somewhere along the way. I work because I want to set a good example for my daughter, that it is Ok to follow your goals and pursue your dreams. I work because I am driven to work by my self-esteem and self-confidence that was drilled into me as a kid. I work because I know that I am a better mother for going to work and that Ada, my poor child who has to go to daycare every day, is getting lessons on things I wouldn't have even dreamed of teaching her. If I felt for one minute that Ada was suffering, feeling neglected, or was not excelling in life I would adjust our situation. Fortunately, Ada is a happy child, well adjusted, and socially strong.

I know that I am lucky to have the family I have. Elliot supports me in every way a husband could possibly support a wife, and we came to our decision on how to raise Ada together, without judgement or disagreement.

I also know that I don't fit into the typical woman or mommy box. I never have. And maybe that is why this article made my blood boil. I took it personally. It was talking about research, and that is typically the reporting of averages, of normality; and when you don't fit into a box, the quoting of research and statistics will make you feel completely mis-represented, and apparently make your blood boil. There is a brief mention about some women that "say they wouldn't be happy or feel healthy if they spent every second with their offspring. Their solution is a mix of work and caring for their children." But it only goes on to talk about women who work from home. As if that is the only acceptable solution if you really feel like you, the women with the ticking biological clock and the reproductive organs, really still need to have a job to stroke you ego.

This article is just the latest in a string of articles I have read since we started thinking about having a baby that purports the benefits of stay-at-home mommy-ness, and I know there are probably just as many that support working moms. It is however the first article that 'Trojan horsed' me with a title and an intro talking about one fairly innocuous aspect of this debate and then took a wild left turn to full out partisan support of one of the more controversial sides. I just wish we could take the activism out of this subject.

This article did have one positive effect, I have responded with such vigor that I am now 100% positive that the decision we made on how to raise our kids is the right one. For Us.

I promise, tomorow will be all about Ada.