the curse of the working mom

I'm going to go there again. Back to the media, which seems pretty fond of bashing moms of all sorts lately. Today's genius article is about how just by working I am dooming Ada to a life of childhood obesity. There have been studies, apparently, that show that kids of working moms are fatter. The article goes on to speculate why - less time to make healthy meals, more TV time for the kids, less family meals, etc... All valid reasons.

I guess.

What the article doesn't mention much about is where the fathers come in to play in all of this. I get that a lot of families have an unbalanced setup as far as the parenting responsibilities go, and that a lot of the traditional raising of the children and feeding of the families still falls on moms, working or not. I see it with my friends, I read about it in articles, so I know it is out there, but my reality is so far from that scenario that it makes reading all of these articles hard on my eyeballs.

I know this blog is usually about Ada - but today I'm going to talk about Elliot (and me to some extent but mostly Elliot), because he is enlightened enough to have stepped up to take more than his traditional portion of parenting. And he did it without even being asked.

You see, I don't think I'm going to make Ada fat, because while I'm not there to cook her dinner every night, Elliot is smart and capable enough to cook her a healthy dinner (and usually something healthy for the two of us to eat when I get home from school). At night - whoever is home with Ada gets to play games and read books. A lot of times this is me for a bit and then Elliot for a bit - and on class nights an even bigger bit for Elliot. And each morning we have a routine that has me getting Ada dressed and Elliot putting together her lunch - one that we are teased about at each parent teacher conference because it is always healthy and some times mature (Ada does like her olives and kidney beans). And then there are the rocket-ship rides that Ada goes on so Elliot can do his marathon training while I'm in school. Rides that we thought Ada dreaded but turns out she loves. Oh and the games of tag and the races through the house that go on each night. Yes, there is some TV and Ada loves movies, but it is balanced, and earned, and most of the time educational.

Elliot has given me the gift to not just be a working mom, but to be one that goes to night school as well. I can do that without guilt BECAUSE Elliot is such a good dad and partner. And that in turn makes me a better mother and wife.

I wonder if the focus in all of these articles is not in the wrong place. Instead of constantly showing how women in the workplace is hurting the children, shouldn't they focus on how balance doesn't stop at bringing home a paycheck, or the typical gender balance of household chores. It should laud the men who have realized that having a working wife means that they now have a chance to step into more of a co-leader role in the parenting world. It is an opportunity to be more involved in their kid's life. I guess it wouldn't get such a viral reaction, but really, isn't that a good thing?

OK - I'm stepping off my soap box now. Next post will be all about Ada and how fat she is getting :)