weekend snuggles

I've talked a bit about how weekends are full of special Ada/Mommy time. We hang out together, do our homework together, go to the park, etc..

This weekend was rainy in San Diego. And cold. (stop laughing) So we spent a lot of time inside doing inside things.

One of the many things we did was subject Ada to the latest SDSU basketball game. This is quite a season for SDSU and since Elliot graduated from there and I'm currently attending we felt a little pull to watch. So we recorded the game (Ada had skating class during the live broadcast), and Ada, bless her heart, spent the whole game cheering for BYU - she apparently likes winners.

After the game, we had all sorts of intentions of productivity. Instead we took a nap. A three hour nap. All of us. Elliot on the recliner, Ada and I on the couch.

Yes. You read that correctly. Our anti-snuggle munch-kin who will normally put up with a maximum of 3 - 4 minutes of close snuggling before physically removing herself from the situation. Watched me fall asleep, found a comfy position, and snuggled in for the duration. I woke up to her arms and legs draped warmly over me, like I was one giant stuffed animal.

I'm not sure why Ada overlooked her long standing cuddling policy but I for one was grateful. Even if it meant I had warm goldfish breath in my face until she woke up.

beautiful day

The weather around here has been uncharacteristically cold lately, you know, sort of like a normal winter around the rest of the country. We had rain yesterday, not just rain, but HARD rain. And not just rain but small bits of hail here and there, and even reports of SNOW in the outer reaches of the county. Ada is very fascinated by this new weather. She likes to talk about. A LOT.

In fact, she has been telling us that the rain and the cold are here because it is winter, and that our normal weather is what she likes to call Summer Winter. (Really, she said those exact words.)

Makes sense.

The rain lasted a whole day and now we are back to beautiful sunshine, only it is still cold outside. Deciding that we were brave enough to face some chilly air we decided to walk to breakfast this morning. Ada usually ebbs and flows from walking behind us to sprinting past us in exhilaration. At one point as Ada was exploring the nature behind us, Ada very matter of factly stated:

"Today is a beautiful day. Except. It is really cold."

We are definitely raising a little Southern California girl.

the darkedness

We are trying to get Ada to show a little more confidence and courage - doing more things on her own - little things like going to the bathroom or walking down the hallway on her own to get her PJs. Sometimes she is great and then sometimes she digs in her heels and acts like we are asking her to take her favorite stuffed animal out back to de-fluff it and then ride her bike over it again and again. You know - the most unreasonable request in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

The other night was one of those nights where we were (apparently) asking for her to do something SO horrible that she just. might. die. In other words, we asked her to go from our bedroom down the hall to her bedroom to get her PJs.

Ada dramatically threw herself on the floor and started to loudly pout. How could we ask her to go to her room ALL BY HERSELF. Don't we know, that is just not possible.

Why? Well....

"I don't know"

"Is there something in your room that makes you want to not go in there"

"Yes"

"What?"

"I don't know"

"OK, I can't help you unless I know what is bothering you. I don't know is not an answer, if you say 'I don't know' one more time you are going to bed right now"

What followed was the most brilliant display of self control and will power I have ever witnessed, especially from someone as young as Ada

"Well, I can't go to my room"

"Why not?"

"Well... well.. it is scary"

"What is scary"

(repeat 5 times - not once throwing in an 'I don't know') and then..

(on the verge of fake tears) "The.. um.. the.. well.. the.. the... the DARKEDNESS"

"You are scared of the dark"

"NO, not the dark, the DARKEDNESS" (the look on her face was the most dramatic look she could muster)

(holding back every urge to break out in hysterical giggles)

"OK honey (big hugs), we will help you tonight. After all the darkedness is pretty scary."

The battle of wills continues in our house, but I was pretty happy to see her little brain working.

Tag

I'm pretty sure Ada is nuclear-powered. There is no way someone can have that much energy just by metabolizing food.

For a six-week stretch this semester, Katie has class three nights a week, so Ada and I are getting a lot of quality father-daughter time in. For Ada, quality time translates into testing daddy's endurance until he breaks.

Ada is usually pretty fired up when I pick her up from pre-school - she's been busy playing with her other nuclear-powered friends and they've kept each other amped up all day. I am usually not so fired-up. I'm only coffee-powered and that just can't compete. On the way out to the car she will invariably ask a) what do we have to eat? and b) what we are going to be doing tonight? The second question is actually rhetorical - whether I like it or not, the answer is tag.

Ada will start pestering me to start the game of tag as soon as she is released from the confines of her car seat, and as soon as my computer bag hits the kitchen floor she commences the game with "come chase me!"

Our new house has many features that Ada enjoys - her own bathroom, lots of light switches, stairs... - but enough room to pick up speed is clearly at the top of the list. Ada's tag route heads into the living room where she winds around the coffee table and recliner before veering back into the kitchen where multiple laps around the island keep dad at bay until I stop and allow her to run around into me. After I tag her (only in the middle of her back, because she makes the rules and the point of having rules is to fix things so that Ada wins), it is my turn to run away. I'm too big to squeeze by the recliner so my only way out of the livingroom is to wait for Ada to run at me and then try to dance around her, as Ada would say, "like kung-fu panda." This is, of course, exhausting, and soon enough Ada snags me with a fingertip or the paw of a stuffed animal (see: rules), it's back to chasing her around the island.

Eventually I insist on needing a break from tag. This prompts Ada to move on to the next event, which is racing from the front door to the door at the back of the house heading into the garage. Lined up in a starter's stance, each with a hand on the door, Ada gives a "Ready - Go!" and we're off - swerving a bit to avoid the recliner, then tearing through the kitchen with arms stretched out to touch the door first. Ada, being a natural at competitive positioning, is quick to cut me off, so the races usually come down to me trying to reach around her without running her over. Usually she wins. Sometimes I sneak in a victory. Always she turns right around and assumes the starting position.

If I seem to be wavering in my enthusiasm for racing, Ada introduces a variation.

"This time we'll hop!" (which she does, with a couple quick steps to ensure her victory)

"You run and I'll hold on to your shirt!" (perfectly logical to a 4 year old...)

"Let's crawl!" (this one kills me - did I mention our floors are wood?)

Thoroughly beaten and exhausted I insist we stop to eat some dinner. Not that her little reactor core has any use for pasta or chicken, but its nice to pretend.

fashion critic

It is no secret that Ada has distinct opinions about what she wants to wear. She has been picking out her outfits since she was about 2, or whenever she discovered that she was able to take her clothes off if she didn't like them.

We recently discovered that she also has strong opinions about what Elliot and I wear, she has just been keeping them to herself.

Until now.

Most mornings I get dressed for work and at some point in the course of the morning routine either I'll ask Elliot about what he thinks of my outfit for that day or he'll say something like 'You look nice today'.

Awww what a sweet guy.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago, I get dressed in pretty standard office fare, and get Elliot's two thumbs up on my choice. As I start on the next part of my morning routine I hear a little (but confident) voice.

"I don't always like your outfits"

"But do you like my outfit today?"

"Yes, but sometimes, I do NOT like what you wear."

Okay.... point taken

This morning I am wearing a skirt, so I figured Ada would be a fan. So after Elliot complimented my choice in clothing I turned to Ada and asked what she thought.

"Hmmm... I like it... but... (pause, pause, pause) I think I want to add some green!"

She then went into my closet and started looking for a green jacket to add to the ensemble.

Project Runway here we come!

klutz

Ada has had a rough week.

First she fell and bonked her head at school. She is fine, but since it was her head that was bonked it deserved a call to mommy at work - she is fine, but has a nice little red mark on her forehead.

Later that same day she fell and scrapped her lip. She was fine, but again required a call to daddy at work to inform.

The next day we got an 'ouch' report from school that Ada had fallen off the play equipment and bonked her nose - bloody nose. Again OK, and no call this time, and apparently she didn't even cry. But still another owie.

To make matters worse she has a scab underneath her nose, because she's had a runny nose for a few days and since she has developed a technique of rubbing her nose instead of blowing it she rubbed her skin right off.

I asked Ada last night why she kept falling down this week - thinking she was tired, or growing, or some other chemical reason, but NO. Her response, "I was trying to keep up with my friends and I forgot to look down when I got off of the slide".

So no higher reason, she's just a klutz. That, and she was just too busy to notice she was a couple feet off the ground before trying to run away.

first contact

Ada has been showing some very strong indications that she wants to play soccer next year.

**Note - she actually wants to play now but Elliot and I have a belief that no kid under the age of 5 should play organized sports so next year it is. **

In an effort to show us how much she wants to play, Ada has started to dribble my soccer ball around the house, practices kicking the ball against wall, and finds mini goals all over the house to 'score' goals in.

Given these flashing indicators, Ada and I ventured off to the park today where I snuck in some illegal SLOW jogging, and Ada dusted off her cleats and had a little soccer practice. She mostly just ran around dribbling her ball (she is getting pretty good at this). We did set up some mini-goals using some of my old cones and she started to understand that the ball goes through the cones (not on top of them) to score.

Once she tired of running around we did a few headers, and then lined up for some partner work (the former coach in me started to seep out a little bit). And it was in the middle of this partner work that we had a major break through. I was tossing the ball at Ada, while simultaneously counting down 1, 2, 3 go for Ada to strike her leg out in an attempt to get the perfect storm of a good throw and solid footwork from Ada. She made contact most of the time, sometimes off her knee, sometimes on a floppy foot, but contact none-the-less. Then she did it. She hit the ball with solid contact and you could hear the pop and see the ball come shooting back at me with more power than she had ever mustered.

The feeling behind a solid touch is amazing. And in one instant I realized what she had done and she realized that different feeling and the look on her face was priceless. It was amazing watching that one moment of discovery. One that I have seen so many times over the years in my players, it was about a million times cooler seeing it in my own Ada. That tiny moment of success was enough to fuel her to keep trying again and again.

And again. I have a feeling that summer is not going to come soon enough for one little superstar.

the curse of the working mom

I'm going to go there again. Back to the media, which seems pretty fond of bashing moms of all sorts lately. Today's genius article is about how just by working I am dooming Ada to a life of childhood obesity. There have been studies, apparently, that show that kids of working moms are fatter. The article goes on to speculate why - less time to make healthy meals, more TV time for the kids, less family meals, etc... All valid reasons.

I guess.

What the article doesn't mention much about is where the fathers come in to play in all of this. I get that a lot of families have an unbalanced setup as far as the parenting responsibilities go, and that a lot of the traditional raising of the children and feeding of the families still falls on moms, working or not. I see it with my friends, I read about it in articles, so I know it is out there, but my reality is so far from that scenario that it makes reading all of these articles hard on my eyeballs.

I know this blog is usually about Ada - but today I'm going to talk about Elliot (and me to some extent but mostly Elliot), because he is enlightened enough to have stepped up to take more than his traditional portion of parenting. And he did it without even being asked.

You see, I don't think I'm going to make Ada fat, because while I'm not there to cook her dinner every night, Elliot is smart and capable enough to cook her a healthy dinner (and usually something healthy for the two of us to eat when I get home from school). At night - whoever is home with Ada gets to play games and read books. A lot of times this is me for a bit and then Elliot for a bit - and on class nights an even bigger bit for Elliot. And each morning we have a routine that has me getting Ada dressed and Elliot putting together her lunch - one that we are teased about at each parent teacher conference because it is always healthy and some times mature (Ada does like her olives and kidney beans). And then there are the rocket-ship rides that Ada goes on so Elliot can do his marathon training while I'm in school. Rides that we thought Ada dreaded but turns out she loves. Oh and the games of tag and the races through the house that go on each night. Yes, there is some TV and Ada loves movies, but it is balanced, and earned, and most of the time educational.

Elliot has given me the gift to not just be a working mom, but to be one that goes to night school as well. I can do that without guilt BECAUSE Elliot is such a good dad and partner. And that in turn makes me a better mother and wife.

I wonder if the focus in all of these articles is not in the wrong place. Instead of constantly showing how women in the workplace is hurting the children, shouldn't they focus on how balance doesn't stop at bringing home a paycheck, or the typical gender balance of household chores. It should laud the men who have realized that having a working wife means that they now have a chance to step into more of a co-leader role in the parenting world. It is an opportunity to be more involved in their kid's life. I guess it wouldn't get such a viral reaction, but really, isn't that a good thing?

OK - I'm stepping off my soap box now. Next post will be all about Ada and how fat she is getting :)

quality time

I've been doing the night school act about as long as Ada can remember, and this semester, I'm even more over loaded as I'm auditing a class by Elliot's boss on Entrepreneurship, making my nights in class = 3. Ada is very aware of my nights away, and always has been. On one hand she gets to spend some super quality time with Elliot. They have a bond that is the type of bond you hope that your daughter and her father will have, one that will make them best friends for the rest of their lives. Ada also knows that my nights in class mean that there is less 'Mommy Time' available. Up to this point that has been OK by her (see the previous point about the extra 'Daddy Time') but this semester she has started to be more pro-active in finding those chunks of time and to that end we are starting to form some new quality time traditions in our house.

Ada - ever the stay in bed until mom and dad come pry open her eye lids to let in the light of the new day - has started to get up early, trot down the hallway to the master bedroom to come crawl into bed for a morning snuggle. Homework dates on the nights I don't have class so we can sit side by side doing our work. And quick moments of confidence while we are getting dressed in the morning.

They aren't long luxurious moments. We get those on weekends (sometimes) and in the months where I don't have class. But these little moments are something special, and they are ours.

boyfriend

Ada came home from school the other day and informed Elliot that her little, sweet friend Christopher is her (gasp) boyfriend. We know Christopher, he was the only little boy at her last birthday party, he is the only boy allowed into Ada's little clique of girls, and Ada talks about him almost as much as she talks about her favorite girl friends.

Looking back - we probably should have seen this coming.

But we didn't.

At first I thought it meant that he was just a boy that was a friend (and really that's about all it is at this age), but she gets that giggly school girl look on her face whenever she talks about him. Seriously, Ada is going through her first full blown crush.

To top it all off, last night Ada informed us that if she grows up at the same time as Christopher they are going to get married. At least she understands that getting married is a grown up action.

As with most phases in Ada's life we are doing our best to just ride this one out, calling on the old adage, "This too shall pass".

That being said, Elliot is sharpening his knife collection as we speak.